English as a Second Language

“Uncle Brian. If we live in England and we’re called English, why aren’t people from China called Chine-ish?”

Thanks to a recently opened Hong Kong budget airline, my brother and his family descended on us during 2007. The furthest the family had ever travelled in their vacation career was Malaysia, something my Jewish sister-in-law’s mother complains about to this day.

During a frenetic schedule there is the inevitable downtime when everyone relaxes in the comfort of our little haven set back from Wan Chai. My two nieces, at seven and eleven, a figure that has caused many a local mouth to curl at the edges, are at the age of awareness when simple placation are not enough.

My sister-in-law, reading a magazine on the seat across from me, drops a corner, catches my eye and smiles, but offers no help. She is clearly used to dealing with this kind of questioning and probably eager to hear my explanation.

I offer the best I can. After all, there must be some kind of rule to this but I’ve had little time to research and pick the first thing that comes to mind.

“Well, I’m not sure but I think you’ll find that in the English language most South East Asian countries tend to use –ese when referring to their races. So people from China are Chinese, from Japan are Japanese and Taiwan, Taiwanese.”

“So is Uncle Chris Malaysia-ese?”

Uh oh, there goes my logic. I knew I needed more time.

“No, he’s Malaysian.”

I resort to something similar to the good old last line of job descriptions that reads something along the lines of ‘and anything else the job demands'.

“In the English language there are exceptions to every rule.”

“Why are people from England called English, then?”

“That’s probably to do with the fact the word for the country ends with 'land‘. So people from Scotland are Scottish, Ireland are Irish, and so on.”

“What about Wales?”

“That doesn’t end in ‘land’, does it?“ I’m on a roll now and feel a truth, albeit dubious, in what I am spouting. “It’s the same in Europe. People from Finland are Finnish, from Poland are Polish…”

“Why isn’t Auntie Paula American-ish?” says the youngest, who looks up from her colouring book, suddenly interested.

Auntie Paula whose father is American but whose mother is English and who misses no opportunity to play up her English heritage, would probably relish the idea of being called American-ish.

“Because America doesn’t end in ‘land’, does it?”

“What about people from Iceland? They’re not Ice-ish, are they?“ says her elder sister, far too clever for her age. I notice my sister-in-law’s magazine begin to quiver with suppressed laughter. I am still routing around for an explanation when the youngest unwittingly sticks in the dagger.

“Are people from Greenland, Green-ish?”

“Of course they aren’t,” laughs her elder sister. “And people from New Zealand aren’t New Zeal-ish, are they? Silly Uncle Brian.”

“Silly Uncle Brian!” mimics the youngest.

“And we went to Portugal last year and they’re called Portuguese but they’re not in Asia, are they?”

Enough. Time to bring in the big guns. While the laughter continues, my fingers move across the laptop sitting appropriately in my lap and locate my old-but-not-always-reliable friend Wikipedia. I click to a page on New Zealand, where, beneath an entry for language, the word ‘demonym’ is listed to the right of the word New Zealander. It’s a word I have never seen before so I check further and cannot help but share the following gem.

“Okay girls, it’s a little complicated. There’s a word called demonym that refers to the people of a country.”

I smile over at the eldest who has a precocious ‘why-didn’t-you-say-that-in-the-first-place?’ look on her face.

“And the English language has several ways for demonyms to be created. The most common is to add a suffix, some extra letters, to the end of the location's name, slightly modified in some instances.”

The youngest has already gone back to her colouring book.

“Here we are. Oh.” When I scan the list of endings, I realise I have only just scratched the surface and the wrong one at that. Why do I always try to simplify things? I suddenly consider making an application to join the Flat Earth Society. “It’s very, very complicated. Some names end with –an like American, some with –ish like English, some with –ian like Canadian. There are lots of others too.”

“You don’t really know the answer then, do you?”

“It’s not that, it’s just…the English language has evolved over hundreds of years and even though there are some rules, they’re not always easy to follow.”

The eldest taps the leg of my sister-in-law. “He doesn’t know, Mummy.”

She goes back to her Nintendo DS Light computer game. A calm settles in the room and I do the best I can to return to my surfing. The peace is short lived.

"Uncle Brian," says the youngest. "Why do Chinese people eat chicken's feet?"

Enough.

“One for you, Mum,” I say, getting up from the settee and heading for the kitchen. “Anybody else fancy a nice hot cup of chrysanthemum tea?”